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| Issue #3 |  |
May, 2008 |
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| COURT RULING MAKES IT OFFICIAL: KOKO DOZO | |||||
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HAS DISCOVERED EARTH ...The High Court of the Gugglioz Jizmunoof has ruled in favor of the trio of explorers from the Planet Koko Dozo. Their discovery of Earth was challenged by the more famous veteran cosmic explorer Hwel Heerwee-arr Now-wat. The latter is best known for discovering the Milky Way galaxy and naming it after the bodily waste-forms of his race on the Fungmenor Moon. In the suit he brought to the High Court he claimed discovery rights to all cosmic matter included in The Milky Way Galaxy. |
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| ...The Court's ruling against Hwel Heerwee-arr Now-wat calls into question the legitimacy of many of his reputed discoveries including his controversial claim that he had set off the Big Bang after having ingested too many ulfubulum pastries at a banquet held in his honor. The three members of Koko Dozo plan to celebrate their recognition as the discoverers of Earth by returning to that planet at 11PM on May 16 to ejaculate nocturnal sonic emissions at JUPITER CRASH at Crash Mansion (199 Bowery) in NYC. . |
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| . Greetings to my homzoi doggies back home. Here's the latest hwumshuk from Earth. The strange gakklings of earthforms -- nobody really knows what they mean. The more I listen to the sounds they make, the more confused I get. They issue forth gakklings of many kinds from their holes. Some have meanings that everyone understands -- even we of the Velvin Spoidioyz. Some noises always indicate amusement, for instance. And some always accompany the release of gases from the inner body. But all other gakklings have meaning that only by co-incidence resemble that which the speaker intends. It makes me wonder why they gakkle at all. In the contest to choose new leaders this problem becomes monumental. One candidate said that many people who have lost their jobs and suffer material troubles are bitter and they cling to their cosmic fantasies and their weapons. The other candidate (who might be the winner because she has the won the fewest delegates and votes) appeared to be shocked and saddened to hear those words. She notified those ex-workers that they should be offended. Some obeyed. She said that those people, like all good Americans, are not "bitter" -- they are "optimistic"; and they cling to their cosmic fantasies and weapons only because of their blessed traditions and pure hearts. The candidate -- the one who is a muslim terrorist and hates America -- who made the offending statement tried to explain that those who face these material hardships are "frustrated" -- not "bitter" (he mis-gakkled) -- and they cling to cosmic fantasies and weapons as "political issues" instead of clinging to issues related to the actual causes of their misfortunes. Well -- now I do not know what to think. If those who keep losing their jobs are "optimistic" and select leaders on the basis of cosmic fantasies and weapons -- then certainly they bring on their own misfortunes. And apparently they prefer these struggles which provide them with the pleasures brought on by optimistic feelings. I recall many mulps past when people in our sector lost jobs because of the government-sponsored criminal-minded acts of the skunzphoi. We were angry, depressed, sad, gulsed-off and very bitter indeed. We ritually strangled our elders with the warm intestines of our pets in order to persuade Almighty Zxchish to rain oxigoggin puzz upon our homes which would bring us prosperity. And, of course, with our weapons we vaporized the villages of those vile immigrant slerm from the Nalallian Moon. As expected, our material troubles continued unchanged. But sacrificing our elders to Zxchish and exterminating those assholes from the Nalallian Moon took some of the edge off our bitterness. .... |
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| .. ...A drawn out, death march of an electoral contest is almost at an end between KlangBrittle Wincin and Bgock Ramada, but no one is telling Ms. Wincin. She is turning a blind eye, though many close to her are telling her to gather her gorbapatunes, throw them on her funeral pyre and invite her supporters for the weenie roast of the decade. We’re wondering if she’d think to invite the gun slingin, beer swillin guys she was seen repetitively on TV with, while campaigning in Tractadoolariole. We hear beer and weenies go great together, especially when in the company of “hard working white men.” ...Intergalactic Sweetheart Tethither Hannison and musician cum “boy-toy” Wan Sayer were seen for their second straight weekend in a row together, enjoying a salacious tryst at the hyper-pricey Xamanadana resort. Page Sux has the firsthand details that Sayer, known for his many romantic pursuits of other starlets such as Feffica Delilah and Neebliss Wisnsome is getting serious. Or is he? ...Lastly, megastar Cyclesock Wackdson is trying to hold on to his extravagant residence known as “Utopia” at all costs. The exiled king of bubblemusic hasn’t much left to his reputation after the series of mishaps involving small furry animals, but he is holding on for dear life, as a loan on the property was sold to investment firm Penal Incorporated. |
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KOKO DOZO WILL SPEW FORTH NOCTURNAL SONIC EMISSIONS
Friday MAY 16 - 11PM: Jupiter Crash at Crash Mansion 199 Bowery (& Spring St.), NY See the review of our first album
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read it - NOW!!! |
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