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..The Whole Earth Zhufmalog:
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| . Here is where I get to treat my homzoi back home to the latest hwumshuk from Earth. As we explore this sad little grape of a planet, we have discovered many interesting factoids. We are in the region they call The Yoo Ass Of Ay, Fork Yeah. These earthforms are partaking in a peculiar ritual whereby they choose their leaders. CHOOSE? Does that mean they lack the simple capacity to instinctively determine who can best dance the Funky Norpse Chicken? How odd. Aside from a slug-like white-hided male they call Karrrel Rove who is not revered in this place, only the darker-skinned earthforms -- and some of those that are called "the funking jews" -- have shown aptitude for dancing motions. As for the sonic emissions of these earthforms: it appears that those held in high esteem are dark-hided male types who do not intone -- they speak in rapid rhymes with words that do not appear in our Earth language research archives. They seem to be very angry. Why should they be so irritable? The new leader is sure to be the one from their tribe, therefore they surely are the master race here. The light-skinned youth-pods create sonic emissions that are quite different. They too seem to be extremely angry about something -- perhaps their failure do excel at the funky norpse chicken or the sad fact that they are the oppressed tribe. The darker tribe should help the less fortunate light-skinned ones get better tones from their sound modules. Perhaps I can be of assistance -- if my help would add sufficient monetary units to my glubber sac. I shall negotiate and "jewel them up." ....So now I shall sign off. I must attempt to blend in with the zoological elements and join in their sport of Go-Shopping. I have been informed of fabulous garments for sale that somebody is to die for. I hope the execution will not be painful. .... |
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..Page Sux: The Real Cosmic Poozle
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| .. ....Heismannorca Spaetzle, Overlord of Sector A on Planet Noof-YAA, resigned from post today, the result of his affairs both extramarital and illegal, with a ring of hired fulf-mates. As is customary, his wife stood directly in front of him, dressed in a traditional two piece black gordatunbarne, as he apologized via satellite to the Universe for failing his people. She then, as is customary, delivered three swift, sharp kicks from the heel of her of Banolo Phrank’s into his gonads while he was held in place by his guards. The prostibot in question was found. She is a runaway prostibot who came to Noof-Yaa’s Main Sector with hopes of a career in Terre-Films. We think the most she’ll be able to do now, is a straight to Phreenie. .....Probette, famous for her 33HZ screams in the top grossing TerreNovelas of the light-week, was caught on Satte-Cam leaving the residence of Blackey Temblyn. She appeared unkempt -- her eyes covered by a large pair of Solslackas at 3AM Terre Time. Since it’s common knowledge that Mr. Temblyn is the husband of Amberra Horsut, we can only imagine what the scream queen was doing there. The two are shooting the TerreThriller “Please Please Shoot!” .....VocalRhythmShouter PasCreadle was arrested on Terre today for a large possession of Korbabranchles. He led TerreCops on a high speed chase for the better part of 5 milliseconds! He was detained for several hours by police before being let go on bail to the custody of his manager, Pasha Ballaboo. Lastly, it’s VaFaTaTa season, and the nominees are in! Expect catfights, and gown drama!! |
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| Farfummf Watafazmoo adds this postscript to Mipzn. Geebis's sly commentary on Overlord Spaetzle: . |
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| ....Gluh, gluh, gluh <:()~ ....The same thing happened on Earth. Overlord of Earth Sector Noo Wyorrk was norpse-pungled out of office because he overpaid his hired fulf-mate -- $4,000 Earth dollars (20,000 thilpoing on our planet). Imagine paying over 4,000 Earth dollars to get one's norpse gweeled. I can be serviced for free by the sexiest, smelliest zumspaw in the Spatamnior Galaxy. Plus a bowel job thrown in at no extra charge. ....Gluh, gluh, gluh <:()~ ....I can see why there is so much poverty on Earth. Copulation is in such demand but apparently so difficult to attain that it exerts a high cost. And it seems these earthforms require vast quantities of oil to lubricate their female's wumza. The cost of this oil is over one hundred Earth dollars per application. Perhaps we should teach them our attitudes about copulation which are not quite so complex as to require such strain on their planet's resources. |
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KOKO DOZO WILL SPEW FORTH NOCTURNAL SONIC EMISSIONS MAY 16: Jupiter Crash at Crash Mansion 199 Bowery (& Spring St.), NY . .. < back <......> next >. subscribe to SPACE ALIEN NATION for FREE |
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